gone were the days where i dated boys who would say their "i love you's" like "hellos". i didn't understand how every time a male character in the show professes his love by saying those 3 words, the lady will be just goddamn shocked. 

i didn't understand why was that scary. i mean, isn't it common to exchange words of affection? 

and then i gave it some thought and realised, we kids totally abused the beauty of that phrase! sure, you would date someone that you like. but that does not mean that you love and will be ready to commit. as casual as most of the angmoh relationships can be, i admire the fact that they do not underestimate the power of that word.

i never found it comfortable, in the past, to keep expressing my love for the other person. unless the person went, "i love you" and i would just go, "i love you too".

but i never meant it.

i mean, c'mon. true love? bah, it's hard.

but then it's funny i tell gavin how much i love him every now and then. not like ironically funny, but i ever once doubted true love. it's just..weird how i feel so comfortable with it now. 

because he's so dear to me now, i find it almost impossible to believe that we are not surgically attached. traditionally speaking, he's my other half.

i don't find the need to say mushy stuff everyday to keep our fire going. like, "oh baby i'll love you forever and ever", or "we will never part" or "i love the way you hold me" or just find stuff to do to keep things romantic. we are loving in our own way and i'll only need to recall the simple things that he'd done for me, to know that he loves me and i'll love him back just the same. it's a simple theory.

if we can get married tmr ah, we will. but cannot. ):

the past year had been my happiest, albeit having bad times too. but he was always there without fail. wow, like never before have i found such support and best friend. he is my pillar of strength, and i will never get sick of him.

i was told that guys will definitely change when they enter ns. i'm not sure about gavin, but i'm going to have a job (i think) and i'm going to continue my studies. our lives will somewhat be different in many small different ways. if we are strong enough to handle these changes, we will be strong enough to last.

he ever told me that if i think he's wasting my time, i should not hesitate to end this relationship.

it's nonsense. don't love you then love who?

others say, in an event of a breakup, i'll move on easily, find another guy and get on with life while i leave my pathetic ex wallowing in his equally pathetic life.

that's totally true.

but pay attention to the details. i only dump pathetic losers and it would certainly be easy to get on with my life without them now right? for starters, there wasn't even love. and most of them were just puppy love. they were like, 'okay we like each other? let's date.' situations.

it may have been true for gavin and i too. but i had certainly come to understand and learn about this wonderful boy. guy. man. whatever. and i had come to love him too. he had taught me many things in life which i never picked up from my friends. can't say the same for parents cus i'm not listening most of the time. :D

and i feel that he deserves to be treated with utmost care and love from me! i hope i'm doing enough, because i still feel that he deserves more. (but bb you don't expect too much from me uh ):<)

and to end this simply, i hope we last and continue with this much love in abundance. may obstacles be damned, i'm sticking with you. :)