SO FUCKING TRAUMATISED.

readers discretion is advised.


i'd better share this while my legs are still wobbly.

back then during my primary school days, i did this emnitologist(sp?) science badge regarding insects. i would catch crickets, moths, and cockroaches just to add to the collection in my colourful scrap book (with sticky tape of course).

and now, i'm just a goddamn coward with low blood pressure.

back home, after 12am and my family were all asleep. i was just getting ready for shower after staring at my beautiful balding head in the mirror. so i turned to my right, where the shower was, and saw this brown thing on the shower curtains.

brown. yes, cockroach. it was a large as my thumb. i just stared at my new friend, and that loving gaze kinda lasted forever. i had this sick fear instilled into me instantly.

i could see every single fucking detail okay. the hair on the legs AND the body, and the segments of the body, and it was SHINY, and it had semi-translucent wings WHICH MIGHT JUST FLAP OPEN ANYTIME.

every hair on my body was standing and my legs were wobbly. i thought i was so killing that little thumb-sized fucker, but nooo. jayina had to stand there and just stare at it. i was thinking, "to grab it by its feelers, or grab the whole fucking body?"

i went with the whole fucking body. and i couldn't do it with bare hands right?

so i wore my body shop glove scrub. damn it, i will throw it away after i'm done with this murder. my hand was positioned beside the filthy trash-bacteria infested roach for the longest time possible, till i started fantasizing that i caught it without hesitation. but i just couldn't do it. 

then i thought, WHAT IF I CAN FEEL IT STRUGGLING WITHIN MY PALM?

i took off the glove.

i positioned my hand near the cockroach, PREPARING to attack.

and to PREPARE..well it's just hard.

THE FUCKING FEELERS HAD TO MOVE EVERY TIME I PUT MY HAND NEAR THAT FUCKER AND I WAS SO FUCKIN SCARED.

so i put the glove back on.

i told myself i will just grab that damn thing by the count of 3, and when i got down to 1, i just remained like a statue. i would then pluck up my courage, and fail myself again. and i repeated that a few times until my arm was tired. AND THAT FELLA WAS STILL THERE.

then it moved. I SQUATTED ON THE FLOOR.

then it fleeewww alll aroundddd the goddamn toilet. on the shelf, on the sink, on the walls, THEN ON THE DOOR.

so i said, "it's now or never,". yes, out loud. yknow how a fucking monster drives you insane.

so i raaaan to my room, got a small plastic bag, and ran back to the toilet. i was so ready to cup that little fucker in my hands (with the plastic bag of course). i felt the blood draining from my head.

then that fella flew again. wrong direction this time. STRAIGHT TOWARDS MY FACE. I THOUGHT IT HAS FEELERS?! WHY DOES IT HAVE NO SENSE OF DIRECTION?!

i siam-ed by turning around, and that blind piece of trash hit my shoulder with a sickening 'TAK' and zzz-ed away in a low pitch tone.

I WAS SO DAMN SCARED I THOUGHT I WOULD FAINT ON THE SPOT. (which i already did once when i was cleaning my wound btw haha)

LIKE DAMN SICKENING OMG I AM TRAUMATISED FOR LIFE.

then it flew out of the toilet's window (which i didn't know). i thought it would be hiding somewhere in the rack holding the shampoo and stuff (which is under the window) so i ran out and called gavin on my cell. he suggested that i go over to the other bathroom to take my shower instead. i was still towel clad, mind you.

so i hurried over, went in and shut the door.

then i heard.

"zz."

FUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCKKKKKKK! THAT FUCKER FLEW INTO THE OTHER TOILET (through the window too) NBCB LA.

so i faster run back into the previous bathroom and took a shower so quick i think i still smell now.

hate to admit this, but gavin is afraid of roaches too. next time if there's ever a roach encounter in our house, we will be pushing each other ahead to deal with it. we are damn cowards.

and i am definitely not fear factor material.

because i'm afraid of lizards too.