I'm getting frustrated.

this entry's for myself so you can just skip it.

unless you can give me suggestions.

these are the few incidents where my dad was being a damn jerk.

1) mom and dad leaves home almost around the same time every morning for work. this once, it was raining very heavily and mom was just done with getting ready. as soon as she came out of the bathroom, she heard my dad closing the door and leaving the house. he didn't even ask if she needed a lift to the station. so she had to brave the pelting rain under her old brolly when that man could have just sent her to the station within minutes.

2) some time back, he did send her to the station. halfway to the station, he told her to get off and walk to the station herself because there was a jam. she wasn't in a hurry, but she got off anyway. fucking hell like that might as well don't drive her right.

3) my brother always has old man symptoms, and his knees always hurt. i think he has rheumatism like me. he went in to the study room on sunday and told my dad that his knees really hurt, hoping that my dad can rub on some ointment for him. but no, my dad told him to get out of the room and not bother him.

4) every day after coming home from work, he will order my brother to get him his tea and dinner because he is too fucking lazy to do it himself.

5) he will glare at me when i'm doing something else instead of washing the dishes. because again, he's too fucking lazy to do it himself.

6) he quit his job (again) to start up another business (again). businesses usually do not bring in profits till a year later. he has 4 other mouths to feed at home, but he quit his job just like that. so now, we're solely depending on my mom's salary and savings (again).

7) he threw fresh laundry on my armchair, obviously waiting for me to fold the clothes. but i had no time, with all the cleaning, cooking, washing and studying. i folded my own clothes, so did my siblings. we left the rest untouched. scolded me for not being responsible to the family because i didn't fold his clothes. he just dumped another batch of laundry on my bed. i think i'm going to throw it out of the window soon.

8) mom was really ill last friday, and she couldn't get out of bed. mild case of food poisoning. i had afternoon class that day, and i went to get my sister's cake so i got back at 6-ish, coming 7. when i got home, dad was in the study room and siblings were watching telly in the living room. the first thing i did was to check on my mom. she was running a freakin' temperature and no one knew. i thought sick people were supposed to be taken good care of? but no one bothered. i asked if she was hungry, and she said yes. then i just recalled that she hadn't eaten anything at all. for the entire day. my blood was boiling already. rushed to the kitchen to make something for my mom, then made her take her medicine. went back to the kitchen, and this time, i noticed that dishes were piled up in the sink left unwashed, and there was no dinner. shouted at all of them for being such useless loafers. including my dad.

i just don't fucking understand why it has to be just my mom and i to take care of things at home. is it only right that we're supposed to do the household chores because we're women? even so, is it necessary to treat us like maids? he doesn't dare to scold my mom so i get all the shits.

my sister is freakin' 13 this year, and she's just too lazy to do any housework. i started cooking dinner for my family in sec 2, and also did household chores. my brother is just a useless lump of 10 year old fats. but most of all, i can't understand why my dad couldn't take the initiative to buy dinner, or at least ask about it. i mean, he was totally all right with letting his family go hungry. it's fine if he doesn't get dinner, because he can just cook instant noodles. but what about us? what about my sick mom lying in bed?


i don't know what i'm supposed to do about this. if i try to talk to him about it, he'll hit me. and if he hits me, my mom will hit him back. i probably will too. then a 'talk' will turn into a fight. if i try to tolerate...i'm just sure my patience has its limits.

i just wish gavin's here with me right now.