Lots of 'maybe's, and 'i'll-try-not-to-think-about-it's.

the wonderful thing about buying books is that you own them, your very own prized possessions. the only downside is that it comes with a price to pay - literally, of course. but with just a little more than a movie ticket, you get to read your favorite stories over and over, unlike reliving bits and parts of movie scenes in your head (one ironic fact: gavin and i goes to the movies a lot). i just bought myself (well gavin paid first, actually. he's like my credit card. he pays for me first, and i pay him back. it's much more convenient this way, and responsible. responsible because i don't make him pay for real.) book 3 and 4 of the twilight saga, and i'm hoping to get book 1 and 2 soon. once again, i don't know if i'm supposed to thank joyce for introducing me this new 'vice' into my life. it's like a drug, really.

i love reading, a habit acquired since young. but i indulge in this hobby too much sometimes, that it starts to eat into my health. i have not, a very strong body. and friends who know me will know that i'm frequently sick. i do already have a few ailments..and i think i'm starting to acquire more.

and i'm worried.

but even at that, i'm too stubborn for the good of my body. or health. and now, my kidneys are starting to fail me. at the age of 20, i could really, actually have the health of a 70.

i'll try not to think about it (and not think about what time it is now, as a matter of fact. the numbers of the digital clock are the scary warnings of my waning health).

i've been contemplating on moving over to my grandma's. just to stay there during the weekdays, and come back during the weekends. for the few reasons such as 1) it's closer to school, 2) i can accompany grandma for dinner every evening now, 3) mel might be staying with us too, and 4) i can't stand living at home anymore.

reason #4 actually spells out 'i-can't-stand-my-mom-anymore'.

maybe it's just me, but i feel like i'm treated like i have the full responsibility over the cleanliness of the house. there are many cases which happened (and i'm too lazy to state), and i'm sick and tired of them.

my sister and i were just stepping out for a quick trip to nearby macs just now, to grab ourselves 3 large fries (it's this late night supper cravings thing going on) and my mom actually got very upset with me. well, it wasn't really that late..just 11:30ish pm..or so. she started shouting at 'what audacity i had'. then started to question me about the authority she has over this household.

geesh, it was just fries, for goodness sake.

maybe it's just her. women go through menopause at this stage. and i'm too impatient to pause and consider that maybe, i should just give in.

maybe, if i moved out, it would all be better.

lots of 'maybes'.

and again, i'll try not to think about it.


i realised i'd typed a lot, and i'm ending my entry here even when i doubt i can still sleep after this. apparently, it's proven that it's harder for people to sleep after all that brain stimulating activities in the day. which includes just staring at the computer. and it's not helping when i'm blogging in the dark.

okay fine, night.