Deprived of a good meal.

having worked over time for the past 2 weeks, i have been pretty maxed out and am really in need of some pampering. having only submitted a report today and another major report submission coming up on thursday, i convinced myself to stay out for a couple of hours with joyce for starbucks and chats. being outside, doing some actual walking around in the mall with a big burden in my chest was akin to feeling like a dog let out on a leash--you're free to roam, but run any faster and you will choke.

i am a slow worker, and i chose not to procrastinate for this group project. wise decision, really. had i started late on my previous report with an input of minimal effort, i would not have been able to complete what was necessary. i worked and i worked into the night, most of the time forgetting to spoon food into my mouth during late meals because i was feverishly flipping through books and typing out ideas i feared i would forget if i ever dared turn my head to look at something else or even bat an eyelid. instead of meeting gavin as usual in the evenings after his work, i made him go home so i could actually concentrate on completing my work. i might actually have seemed obsessed while at work. i snapped at my siblings if they dared ask or talk to me about anything less important than a fire in the house.

i certainly do not understand how some were able to do some catching up with their friends, or head over to their partner's house to watch dramas with such an immense workload looming over their heads. feel guilt-free about leaving all the work to only ONE team member, i suppose. help was offered by those who were SUPPOSED to do the job, but none was given--because TALK IS CHEAP, my friends.

willing myself to stay out, sit my ass at starbucks and talking to joyce never felt like such a guilty indulgence before. did i mention? JAVA CHIP FRAPP IS LIKE AMBROSIA. i slurped it all up in no time. having only milo or milk available as refreshments at home for 2 whole weeks actually made me stale. i was really craving for sushi and sashimi, but i was unable to have it time and again due to various reasons. it's like comfort food to me, and i really really really need that comfort. having been made denied that was like taking away a pillow from a very tired man.


i am that tired man, and i need my food.