旁观者清

Disclaimer: this entry was not written to target at any specific guilty individual..okay maybe it was. or maybe it's to everyone else out there who has pretty soft backbone (or with none). and assholes. contemplating for a very long time if this entry should be written, decided to go ahead anyway. maybe one day when you've found someone better, we'll look back at this entry and laugh at our stupidity. till then, words are uncensored and blatant--meant to be this way. i have already lost you, anyway.

recent events brought me back to my poly days--a year and two months of misery and little happiness that asshole i called a boyfriend brought to me. it was intense, and filled with 'love', upset and anger. harpreet tried to tell me time and again what a jerk he was, and what i was getting myself into. i didn't like one bit of it. sure, i knew he was a jerk. i just didn't like others telling me that, and telling me that i'm making mistakes one after another. ego, much? but i knew, all the fucking time, that she was right.

after taking the final straw, enough was enough. i told him that that was it, and i wanted him out of my life. i had finally plucked up my courage to walk away from the parasite who was sucking the life out of me. it wasn't as hard as i thought it would be; because he was an outright jerk and he knew it. i thought it was bad enough that he had wasted more than a year of my time, energy, emotions and money. didn't realise the true assholes are the ones who suck your life out BIT BY BIT for years, and still makes you feel contented while doing so. the true assholes are ones who are bad, but not bad enough for the world to see. the ones that people still felt that there is good in them.

so what about assholes who had a reason for everything? the ones who had fantastic, complete, and apologetic stories to convince their girlfriends that they were a jerk for a reason? the ones with real feelings to be taken into account? and what about the girlfriends who forgives them still, no matter what excuses they were given?

i never felt that others will really understand what's going on in MY relationship. i told harpreet that she wasn't in my shoes and she would never understand. boy, what did i know then. the ones who observe from the sidewalk, are the ones who are the clearest of the situation. give it a thought.

no matter how many more times a man continues to cheat on/lie to his partner, no matter how many more hollow promises he makes, no matter how many more fights to be ensued, he knows that at the end of the day he will still be accepted back home. only because his partner is magnanimous and forgiving as ever. he knows very very well that she is soft-hearted, and uses it to its full extent. it's all a vicious cycle, isn't it?